How do I make my grown kids that live with me understand that they should help with the household expenses?
For a long time my daughter and her five kids and husband lived with us, as well as, my nineteen year old son. My husband and I got tired of the extremely large amount of people living with us and made my daughter and son-in-law get jobs and move out. She was very upset but she needed to learn that she had to grow up and take care of her family. My son went off to job corp to get skills and training in Heavy Equipment operations. He was there for a year and came back home. He now lives with me and my husband and uses our water and electricity. We don't charge him rent and I wash his clothes and make his meals. He works a fairly decent job and I and his stepfather have told him that he would have to contribute to the household expenses and food in the house. He got mad and said that would not leave a lot for himself. He has a van and insurance payment, plus gas to get back and forth to work and his lunches. His remark was I work hard for this money I should be able to spend it.
If your son has this type of relationship, I would say it's time for Dad to step in. You're useless here as you struggle between trying to do what's ethically best for your son and making sure your son's needs are met. Dads have more strength in this department in separating the emotional attachment from that practical sense.
Anywhere else and your son would be expected to pay his bills. An eviction notice knows no attachments.
It is highly reasonable and morally warranted to expect your son to contribute to the household he makes use of.
So he got upset and saw his earnings dwindle at the possibility of contributing. Your son is not on hard times. Don't get caught up in that emotionally. Let Dad put on the iron glove and set the rules straight, he's not going to get caught in the usual heart string trap.
This is life.
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Tell him that he is a grown adult, and that he needs to pay rent. If he were living anywhere else, he would have to pay rent, but of course he has it much better at home ( free laundry duty, free meals). Lay down the rules. If he doesn't pay, do exactly what you did to your daughter, and make him learn to grow up.
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been there. i know just how you feel.
tell him, yep it's your money to spend. you can spend "some" here or "much more" in his own place!!!
give him a week to make the decision. on the 7th day ask him. here or go? if he chooses here tell him what he HAS to pay so much a week month etc.
if he doesn't like it… tough sh!t!!! THEN MOVE. give him 30 days in writing then if he doesn't leave toss his stuff out into the porch.
he will only do what YOU ALLOW HIM TO DO!!!
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Yes, he should be able to spend it. Maybe he could spend it on rent, heat, lights and telephone bills for his own apartment. Then he could spend some of it on his own groceries and his own laundry. Dr. Phil has this great expression … he says "You teach people how to treat you." You're letting your son be a mooch, and he thinks he has the right to continue acting that way. Show him how much his groceries cost you each week, and how much you pay for electricity, etc, each month. Give him a choice between paying his share or moving out on his own. If he doesn't cooperate, give him an end date to this current living situation and on that date, change the locks to your house. And no matter what he chooses, stop doing his laundry. Any future wife he might have will not thank you for raising an inconsiderate, spoiled brat who expects other people to take care of him.
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The wife of a wonderful man who had be re-trained.
Sorry to say this but if he's making a decent living, you should make him get his own place. It sounds like he doesn't appreciate what you guys do for him …so stop doing it. He's an adult now, he can do his own laundry and make his own meals. Best of luck.
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It appears he thinks he has you over an emotional hurdle; he is going to act hurt and you are not going to force the issue.
He has a good thing going, free room and board plus maid service and the best part: ITS FREE. Until you put your foot down he will continue to take advantage of you.
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You've tried to reason with him but he just does not get the picture coz you still continue doing things for him – pampering and pandering. Try not washing his clothes; try not preparing meals for him or leaving stuff in the fridge. Just ignore his needs. He will get dirty and hungry and learn to fend for himself. I am so sure that you are feeling sorry for him and want to continue with what you are doing – but for your husband!!. Now this makes it much more difficult to "extricate" the squatter!.
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Haha. Sounds like what I plan to do after college with my history degree.
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Tell your son that he needs to pay room and board. If he doesn't agree with you then you need to sit down with him with a paper and a pencil and write down what rent, water, sewage, gas, electric,and groceries would cost him if he had to leave and get his own place.I am sure he will agree with you. Room and board is a lot cheaper than rent. If he still won't pay his share of expenses then tell him it's time to move and be a responsible adult. Get his own place and pay rent.Don't ask him to help with the expenses, demand it or tell him to move.
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If your son has this type of relationship, I would say it's time for Dad to step in. You're useless here as you struggle between trying to do what's ethically best for your son and making sure your son's needs are met. Dads have more strength in this department in separating the emotional attachment from that practical sense.
Anywhere else and your son would be expected to pay his bills. An eviction notice knows no attachments.
It is highly reasonable and morally warranted to expect your son to contribute to the household he makes use of.
So he got upset and saw his earnings dwindle at the possibility of contributing. Your son is not on hard times. Don't get caught up in that emotionally. Let Dad put on the iron glove and set the rules straight, he's not going to get caught in the usual heart string trap.
This is life.
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put your foot down and tell him to help with the bills if is making only enough money to pay for you said he pays for he needs to get another job to go a long with the one hes got tell him he needs to grow up
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